A Flash of Anger
by Nora A. Neal-Daggett
The anger phase of my journey came without warning and very little provocation. I can remember several situations where I lashed out at total strangers; which clearly is not my personality. But, never the less I said what I said and moved on! In every situation once the fire was ignited, tears quickly extinguished the flames of anger. This phase surprised me because I am not prone to periods of anger. So, if you are on a journey through grief do not be disheartened or surprised when “anger rears it ugly head”. Accept the fact that it is a natural part of the process, pray and move on through…this is not phase you want to be stuck in.
The story below occurred a few weeks after my husband died. And in retrospect, I would apologize to the folks who were my line of fire. And if you happen to know the people in this story tell them I said, I’m sorry!
As the weeks passed I walked through hazy gray days barely functioning, barely smiling. Partly cloudy days with frequent showers could explain my demeanor. But more than ever I just missed His presence-His touch.
I was getting out and doing things. Several ladies who had worked with my husband asked me to go out to dinner. I’m doing well I thought… I’m not so depressed that I’ve shut myself in. We decided to meet at Fairfax Corners on a Friday night, a very busy “eating out” night in our area.
I remember turning into the parking lot, aware that I had the right-of- away. I pulled into a space causing an immediate reaction from the car forced to stop to allow my turn. He blew his horn. The noise startled me and instantly I backed out of the space and pulled into another space two cars down. I put the car in park opened the door and got out, pushed the car door shut… I felt a flame ignite inside of me.
I DARE HIM BLOW HIS HORN AT ME, I FUMED.
I gave the car door an extra hard shove …slamming it. I was burning hot! I marched over to that car and with my index finger I tapped on his closed window. His face was covered with a smirk; the woman in the passenger seat looked mortified.
“What is wrong with you blowing your horn at me over a parking space?”
“For goodness sakes,” I yelled.
“I just buried my husband.”
And YOU blow your horn at me over a stupid parking space!!” I turned and marched away, livid.
Hot tears stung my face. I walked a few cars away, surveying the parking lot to see if my friends had arrived. I hadn’t moved very far from the man I had verbally accosted. I must have stood there three to four minutes waiting on my friends. But, I didn’t see their cars so I slowly began to walk away from the area.
I am sure the couple in the car must have believed me to be a mad woman. Because they waited until I was a good one half block away, before getting out of their car
Funny, I didn’t realize I was so angry! I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks. But, as tears began to flow, the anger subsided almost as quickly as it came.
Prayer: Lord God, thank you for your protection and your mercy towards me-especially when my emotions take me to areas of expression not common to my personality. Holy Spirit please guide and direct me over the rocky roads of mourning that I may enter into the joy you have for me.
In Jesus Name, Amen
Scripture: “For He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone. Because He has set His love upon me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high because he has known My Name.” Psalm 91: 11, 12, 14. NKJV
Training Your Toddler - Taming Negativity
by Bev Mueffelmann
So, how do we walk out great expectations for our toddlers so that they can become terrific teens? First of all, we need to expect more of them than we think we can. Every child needs to have a sense of belonging to the family and the best way to engender that sense of belonging is to engage them in helping around the house whenever possible. It takes longer to get things done for a season, but ultimately, we will be helping ourselves in the long-run. A sense of accomplishment in a job well done goes a long way toward building a positive foundation in a child’s life.
For example, our children all began walking by the time they were nine months old. So by the time they were one year old, we helped them learn to pick up their own toys and put them away at the end of each day before bed. They saw it as a game and before they were old enough to tell us “no”, it was a well-established bedtime routine. (There are a lot of tasks that fall into this category. If you can establish a healthy habit or routine before your child is old enough to object – do it!) We always clapped for them when they were done and they loved it! Their expectation became that when they finished a task well, we would clap for them. This expression of our approval became our children’s favorite form of positive reinforcement throughout their early childhood years.
Another way to decrease negativity before it strikes is to strike the word “no” from our own vocabulary as much as possible. Is it any wonder that a toddler spouts “no” so often after hearing it incessantly from our own lips? Obviously, there are many situations in a toddler’s life in which a firm or urgent “no” is absolutely necessary, e.g. when they are in physical danger. But I believe that we parents are too careless about our word choices with our children. I’ve heard it called the “idiot no.”
An idiot “no” is one that slips out of our mouth as a matter of habit before we even think about whether we really mean “no” or not. For example, if my toddler asks me for a cookie before lunch, I could choose to automatically say “no.” Or, if I thought about it for two seconds longer, I would realize that I really don’t mean “no”, I just mean “not now.” My alternative, positive statement could be “Yes, you may have a cookie after you eat all of your lunch.” With these words I have communicated my true meaning and have given my child a reason to be hopeful instead of discouraging her.
I believe that most “terrible two” misbehaviors are simply expressions of a child’s frustration and discouragement. During toddlerhood, it’s helpful to be in tune with our children’s feelings and to help them learn to identify their emotions. When we see our child becoming frustrated, we can say, “I see that you’re feeling frustrated because you can’t do this yourself. Can Mommy help you?” As a result, our child is encouraged because we are being sensitive to his feelings and we are training him to identify his own emotions at the same time. Our child will also sense that we are with him and for him instead of feeling as though we are against him.
Overall, whenever we can choose to be positive instead of negative with our children, we will be building a strong foundation that will help us all weather the storms of parenthood and childhood. Next month we’ll explore how to apply these principles to early childhood in order to continue the process of building toward terrific teen years.
Walk Humbly With God
By Tina Bruno
“He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”
Micah 6:8 NAS
This is one of my (many) favorite scriptures. It is so simple, but profound.
We know, according to the gospels, that no man is good, only God. How can we achieve that? We must do as the Lord requires.
First, we must be just. What is the measuring rod for justice? It’s the truth of the Word. We do not judge in our own wisdom, lest we be judged, but when we go by the Bible, that is our template.
If the Word is clear on a certain subject, that is justice.
Second, we must love mercy. Again, that sounds so simple, but think about it. When you’ve been wronged, who wants to show mercy? We want our pound of flesh!! But that pound of flesh was exacted on the cross for us all, and we must show the same mercy to others that was shown to us.
Third, and most important…walk humbly with our God. This is so beautiful. When I think of this, I see a very small child, unsure of their next step, holding onto the hand of their father. They are not proud in what they are doing, but secure in knowing the hand they hold will guide them surely and safely.
Can we be like that small child, and walk humbly with our loving God?
Dee Dah Day
by Susan Lucas
I thought I’d share a few thoughts on spiritual disciplines for practical living based on John Ortberg’s book entitled “The Life You’ve Always Wanted.” So here goes…Ortberg describes the practice of celebration from a child’s point of view. He recites bathing all three of his children together and being in a great hurry to finish. One child (Mallory) instead of following his lead, and also being in a rush, began dancing and running around in circles singing “dee dah day” over and over again. Mallory when unable to control her euphoria had made this a habit in their house. Of course, Ortberg being a task driven person asked Mallory to stop. Then in response, Mallory asked a profound question- “Why”? Ortberg had no answer. He had no meeting to attend, no sermon to write, and here was joy: an invitation to dance right in from of him and he was missing it!
So he got up and danced and father and child had a “Dee Dah Day”. I don’t know about you, but I have two “Dee Dah Day” children and I have learned to be thankful for them. To have an eighteen year old son who still wraps his arms around his mother and dances is such a gift. I have learned to stop and celebrate. How happy our father in heaven must be when we take the time to have a “Dee Dah Day” and dance with him. C. S. Lewis once said, “Joy is the serious business of heaven.”
So today, I am looking forward to the never-ending “Dee Dah Day” when joy will reign without end and God will dance with his people:
“You shall go out with joy and be led back in peace;
the mountains and the hills before you shall burst
into song. And all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.” Isa. 55:12
So Ladies, my challenge to you is to set aside one day a week to be silly with your children, eat foods you love to eat, listen to music that moves your soul, wear clothes that make you happy and direct your life to God so that you may KNOW He is the “giver of every good and perfect gift.” Nothing is insignificant if it enables us to turn to God with gratitude and delight. So let’s dance….
Confession Is Good for the Soul
by Sharon Boling
When my daughter was about 2, my husband was telling her it was time for bed. She didn’t want to go of course, and she looked at him and said, “Daddy, me want to do what me want to do.” That, in a nutshell, describes most of the human race. We are very selfish creatures, and rebellious at times when we are forced to do things we don’t want to do. You can see that it doesn’t need to be taught it comes very naturally at an early age. Sometimes though, one of the hardest things to do is admit that we are having a problem.
What does the Bible say about our human nature? In the book of Romans Paul talks about how we war with ourselves over sin. Paul says that we sin even though we know it’s wrong and we don’t want to. He also says that Jesus can help us win the war over sin and over our human nature. David says in Psalms 32:5 that, “Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, ‘I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.’ And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.” (NLT)
Confession isn’t necessarily all about some big sin or rebellion though. What about thoughts or feelings? I have to admit, that is a big one for me. I get frustrated or upset with my circumstances or maybe with the way I feel like God hasn’t answered my prayers in a timely manner or in the way I would have wanted him to. I am angry with God. I feel like he has let me down. Is this wrong? Well, it isn’t good, that’s for sure. But this is the thing. God created us, he knows us like no other. It says in Psalms 139:1-2 “Oh Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.” (NIV)
God already knows how we feel. Even though in our hearts we rebel and we want to do what we want to do, He wants us to tell him about it. Sometimes our first instinct is to try to avoid admitting we have wrong feelings or attitudes, but when we finally open up and share our inner feelings with God, He is able to reach in and cleanse us in a way that we have never experienced before. Our relationship with our heavenly Father will be that much closer and sweeter because we have shared our deepest emotions and let Him heal our hearts.
Holy Are You Lord
by Linda Lail
Terry McAlmon, worship leader at the World Prayer Center in Colorado Springs, wrote these lyrics:
Do you hear the sounds of heaven
Like the sound of many waters,
It’s the sound of worship coming from the throne.
There are shouts of adoration
As men from every nation
Lift their voice to make His glory known
Singing……Holy, Holy, Holy are You Lord
Holy, holy, holy are You Lord,
The elders and angels bow, the REDEEMED
Worship You now….
Holy, holy, holy are You Lord.
The author of 90 MINUTES IN HEAVEN in a recent interview with Paula White said that of all the memories he had of being in heaven for that 90 minutes, the most vivid was the heavenly music. He shared that everyone was in worship before the throne and their worship song was “holy, holy, holy are You Lord God Almighty”.
I wonder sometimes if we truly have a spirit and soul understanding of God’s holiness and what that means in our lives as we live out our relationship with Him. What does God have to say to us about holiness as we, His bride, represent Him in the world? In Leviticus 11:44 God said to Israel…”you shall consecrate yourselves, and you shall be holy for I am holy”.
You shall consecrate yourselves. We have a responsibility to pursue our own consecration, to separate ourselves from the love of the world and to the love of God. We know that this is a life long process and one that occurs “from glory to glory”. I cannot say that I fully understand what that means except that with every submission to Him a little more of His glory shines through us. Paul tells us in Romans 8:29 that we were predestined to conform to the image of His son. Before the Son was made flesh and dwelt among us the end was settled. Those who claim His name were predestined to be like Him…holy.
This Is My Good Friend
by Genel Webb
A while back, at a gathering, a friend of mine introduced me to an acquaintance of hers. As she introduced me she said, “this is my good friend Genel.” It seemed like the normal and usual way that she would introduce me. However, later, I heard her introduce some others — with a preface of, this is my friend. I thought, even though Angie and I don’t get to spend time with each other often, we both value each other’s friendship. It was such a small thing, but so precious. It made me even more determined to nurture our friendship and to always be intentional about it. We’ve been friends since our college years, but we don’t see each other every week or even every month. Even so, we’ve become and remained great friends through the years. Anyway, that little gesture, in that moment affirmed that we both felt that our friendship to each other was valued.
If you have a friend that is a good friend, introducing them as your good friend is a simple thing, yet it is such an affirming action if you are sincere. You don’t have to tell what they do or where they live — their value to you is in their friendship. We tend to do this as we give cards on birthdays and holidays. There is something about speaking it. I began to do this with other good friends. It’s an action that is quite affirming on both sides of the friendship.