A Flash of Anger

by Nora A. Neal-Daggett

The anger phase of my journey came without warning and very little provocation. I can remember several situations where I lashed out at total strangers; which clearly is not my personality. But, never the less I said what I said and moved on! In every situation once the fire was ignited, tears quickly extinguished the flames of anger. This phase surprised me because I am not prone to periods of anger. So, if you are on a journey through grief do not be disheartened or surprised when “anger rears it ugly head”. Accept the fact that it is a natural part of the process, pray and move on through…this is not phase you want to be stuck in.

The story below occurred a few weeks after my husband died. And in retrospect, I would apologize to the folks who were my line of fire. And if you happen to know the people in this story tell them I said, I’m sorry!

As the weeks passed I walked through hazy gray days barely functioning, barely smiling. Partly cloudy days with frequent showers could explain my demeanor. But more than ever I just missed His presence-His touch.

I was getting out and doing things. Several ladies who had worked with my husband asked me to go out to dinner. I’m doing well I thought… I’m not so depressed that I’ve shut myself in. We decided to meet at Fairfax Corners on a Friday night, a very busy “eating out” night in our area.

I remember turning into the parking lot, aware that I had the right-of- away. I pulled into a space causing an immediate reaction from the car forced to stop to allow my turn. He blew his horn. The noise startled me and instantly I backed out of the space and pulled into another space two cars down. I put the car in park opened the door and got out, pushed the car door shut… I felt a flame ignite inside of me.

I DARE HIM BLOW HIS HORN AT ME, I FUMED.

I gave the car door an extra hard shove …slamming it. I was burning hot! I marched over to that car and with my index finger I tapped on his closed window. His face was covered with a smirk; the woman in the passenger seat looked mortified.

“What is wrong with you blowing your horn at me over a parking space?”

“For goodness sakes,” I yelled.

“I just buried my husband.”

And YOU blow your horn at me over a stupid parking space!!” I turned and marched away, livid.

Hot tears stung my face. I walked a few cars away, surveying the parking lot to see if my friends had arrived. I hadn’t moved very far from the man I had verbally accosted. I must have stood there three to four minutes waiting on my friends. But, I didn’t see their cars so I slowly began to walk away from the area.

I am sure the couple in the car must have believed me to be a mad woman. Because they waited until I was a good one half block away, before getting out of their car

Funny, I didn’t realize I was so angry! I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks. But, as tears began to flow, the anger subsided almost as quickly as it came.

Prayer: Lord God, thank you for your protection and your mercy towards me-especially when my emotions take me to areas of expression not common to my personality. Holy Spirit please guide and direct me over the rocky roads of mourning that I may enter into the joy you have for me.

In Jesus Name, Amen

Scripture: “For He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone. Because He has set His love upon me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high because he has known My Name.” Psalm 91: 11, 12, 14. NKJV