I am also thinking about swimsuits. No matter your size or shape, it’s hard to find that perfect suit. Having a 15 year old daughter, I am sure we will spend countless hours looking for one. Fortunately, she cares what I think. Modesty and style, however, rarely go hand-in-hand.

To that end, I have started walking with Katie. Besides being great exercise, it gives us one-on-one time. There are no distractions, just the two of us, and she talks non-stop and I listen. It has proven to be a very special time; a time to treasure. I get to hear her thoughts on everything from racism to boys and as her mom, I have to admit I and proud of how she thinks. She isn’t swayed by popular opinion but forms her own. There is a lot to be said for being a woman of substance, a woman who is confident enough to be an individual. She is just that.

Don’t you think God longs to walk with us too? He enjoys spending time with His children. He wants to share time with us when we are only focused on Him, no television, no computer, no i-pod; a time to talk as well as listen. Spending time with us brings Him great pleasure, and I am so encouraged by that! I am reminded of a hymn I sang growing up. It goes like this “and He walks with me and He talks with me and He tells me I am His child.” How precious that picture is of a Father desiring to have a deep personal relationship with His child. This image is even more precious to me now that both my parents are gone. I want to be like Noah and Enoch, who were so close to God that the Bible remembers them as walking with Him. My desire is to know Him so intimately that His thoughts become my own.

God’s Word also talks about obedience and rewards. It says in 2 Chronicles 7:14, “…if my people who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” In the New Testament, Jesus himself said, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.”

Recently I went to a women’s conference and I really wanted God to speak to me about some things. I had a whole agenda that I wanted God to address and questions that I wanted him to answer. Well, I can tell you that God definitely spoke to me, but he completely ignored my agenda. Time and again throughout the conference God showed me that if I truly wanted him to move in my life, I needed to totally submit to him. I needed to look in my “closet” to see if there was anything I might be holding back or being stubborn about. (and – surprise, surprise – there was!) There were some things, (however small in my mind) that I knew I should do, but I was making excuses about why I wasn’t doing them.

The first and most important Truth God has revealed to me is that HE LOVES ME. Not with an earthly love that can be lost, but with an unconditional, life-giving, life-saving, forever love. This love sent Him to the cross to die for my sins, so that I could live with Him forever. Psalm 136 repeats the verse “His love endures forever” no less than 26 times, do you think He’s trying to tell us something? God knew it would be hard for us to believe a love so unconditional, so pure, and so selfless, so He made sure to tell us over and over throughout the Bible.

Isaiah 54:10 (NIV) says “Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet My unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor My covenant of peace be removed,’ says the Lord, who has compassion on you.” Beth Moore, in the Bible study Breaking Free, states that the word “compassion” in this verse comes from the Hebrew word racham, which means, “to soothe;, to cherish, to love deeply like parents, to be compassionate, be tender…small babies evoke this feeling”. For those of us who are moms, what can compare to the love we felt when we held our little infants in our arms? My children brought out in me a capacity to love and a depth of feeling that I had never before experienced. Can you just imagine how God is looking at you right now, filled with joy and love that you are His daughter?

Zephaniah 3:17 says He sings a song of love over me, and by His grace I have determined to open my ears to hear His song of love, for I know His love is better than life. His love has given me worth that no one can take away, and is not dependent upon my performance or what others think of me. I have also determined, with the Lord’s help, to intentionally teach my children what God thinks of them, and how He loves them unconditionally. I pray for them constantly that their identities will be rooted and grounded in the love of God that is in Christ Jesus. This way, when the harsh words come their way, they will be able to say, “No, that’s a lie, I am who GOD says I am, and He says I’m awesome!”

The Definition of “hear”: 1.) To perceive by the ear. 2.) Hence, to gain knowledge or appreciation of by hearing, as the news. 3.) To listen to; to heed. 4.) to accede to the demand or wishes of.

The Word of God (NIV) uses the word “hear” 358 times. To hear God is vitally important! The scripture quoted at the beginning of this writing is from Deuteronomy 6:4, and it is considered the most important prayer in Judaism.

It is SHEMA YISRAEL (HEAR, ISRAEL) and its twice daily recitations are a MITZVAH (RELIGIOUS COMMANDMENT). It is a beautiful example of how the Jewish people were to remind themselves and others of God, His power, and how we are to love and speak of Him.

“HEAR O ISRAEL, THE LORD OUR GOD, THE LORD IS ONE. AND YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT…”

My eyes would fill with tears every time this question surfaced in my mind.
I had thought about this more times than I could count. I had even discussed it with my counselor. And still it just hung in the air… unresolved… unsettled.

Then one day I made a bargain with God. I would accept what I knew to be the Gospel. I would accept the fact that HE is God, all by Himself. He brought my husband into this world and He took him out. As I allowed this thought to gel in my mind I could see Ruben standing at the edge of glory, being drawn toward heaven; earth and all it had to offer could no longer hold him. As I made the bargain the following scene played in my head.

I always gave them some time alone, my husband and his mom. That is, you see, I promised her the night we were married, that I would not take him from her. In retrospect, maybe I shouldn’t have made that promise. Maybe, if I had responded instead, “The Bible says, a man shall leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife;” he would still be on this earth and maybe, if, NO! I reminded myself. God is sovereign! He is the creator and the master of the universe and He decides life and death.

However, I was always aware of a very strong bond between my husband and his mother. Many times I would walk to the car and leave them to chat over the gate; she leaning on one side, he on the other. It always made me smile. Mother and eldest son drawn together by more than just birth; but a lifetime of trials, pain, tears and fears intertwined with years of happiness. They were a cookie cutter version of one other; she loved him deeply and was very proud to call him “son.”

I never quite figured out what the “edge” was in that relationship. But, I know there was a bond between them held together by a golden thread, sewn deeply into the fabric of their relationship. Could that thread have pulled my husband from life to death?

And that thread prevailed, she died six months and eight days before he did.
I remember as we left the cemetery that cold January day; he looked back at the gravesite and said,
“It just doesn’t feel right leaving her here.”
I responded, “Where would you like to take her?”
“Home with us,” he said.

I watched him grieve for months over her loss. Luther Vandross’ “To Dance With my Father Again” became his favorite song. Of course he sang, “ to dance with my mother again.”
I prayed and tried to give him understanding. But, after watching him attempt to dull the pain more often with alcohol, I suggested we seek the help of a Christian counselor and he was open to it.

The counselor was a Godsend. Through her soft-spoken guidance and obedience to God’s leading, we were able to see the beginnings of healing for him and I was blessed with a wealth of new understanding to the depth of his pain and the insecurities he suffered daily.

I prayed, fasted and sought God for a supernatural healing for my husband and the breaking of a generational curse.

As we headed into spring; I had a deeper understanding of unconditional love, and he had a window of enlightenment unto himself and the knowledge that loving your wife means also loving and taking care of yourself.

He had been visiting the local Cheers bar less frequently when the bilateral pneumonia walked into his lungs and he began the fight of his life. Or was it his surrender? Was it his way of reuniting with his mother? Had he found a way to talk over the fence for eternity in heaven?

I will never know the answer. But, for now I’m comforted by the thought- that on a bright, shiny August day, my husband closed his eyes for a simple procedure…. He caught a glimpse of his mother beckoning to him … he walked to the gate to chat…like he’d done so many times before. And as they stood there chatting…he caught a glimpse of glory and never came back!!!
The vision I have of them chatting over the fence- gate in glory makes me smile and gives me immeasurable peace.

Prayer: Father God, the one who holds the keys of life and death; I know you have a plan and a purpose for each life. You are Alpha and Omega! I praise you Lord that my husband enjoyed life to the fullest during his time here on earth. Thank you for allowing him to realize his worth in you. I praise you for our love and his mother’s love for her son.

Right now my heart is filled with wonder that You come to meet me in this place. I have no holiness of my own for I am a sinner, and I know that sin and holiness cannot dwell in the same place. How can it be then that You are here? It must be that You cover me with the light of Your presence, that You clothe me with the garment of Your light. It is only in Your holiness that I can dwell in safety and peace.

Father, You know that from a child my heart has yearned to know You in ways that You alone can reveal. When You do come to me, I am overwhelmed with the sense of who You are as Your holy presence settles around me.

Lord God Most High, Abba Father, my prayer not only for myself but for Your bride also is that we may have eyes to truly see You clothed with honor and majesty; to see You clothed in the light of Your holiness.

I’ve had opportunities to supervise employees . My heart has always been to positively impact their lives. In addition, I hoped to have their respect and loyalty, not by force or an iron hand but by their choice, based on my treatment, respect and support of them. In corporate America, as a supervisor, sometimes our actions are governed by corporate policies and the agenda of those above us like managers, directors. This scenario requires much prayer. However as a Believer, when you are in a position where you can, for the most part, institute the policies, you do so with the basis of godly principles in mind. In my current position, I have that opportunity. And recently, I have truly reaped a heart touching harvest from sowing seeds of treating people as the Lord commands.

During some difficult days at the office, I began to talk to the Lord about how I wanted to stop returning to a particularly low place (spiritually) in my walk with Him and I wanted to have unwavering confidence of His directives in my life. I began to question, whether He truly gave me these directions, as it related to the company. On this particular day, in sharing a bit of my heart and essentially being transparent, with our Administrative Assistant, Cindy, she encouraged me greatly. She encouraged me not to doubt what the Lord had given me to do. I thank God for her presence in the office and her friendship to me personally. Later, on that same day, I opened the mail to find this card from another employee. The mostly handwritten (underlined) note read…God has placed you on my heart and in my mind… Thank you for allowing me to be a part of…a wonderful caring company. God has placed you in such an important purposeful position and you do an extraordinary job! At times, it may even seem overwhelming…but He is your strength and your source. Thank you for expressing His love and compassion through your life. And I am praying that He will meet your every need today and in the days ahead. Thinking of you and caring about you…Love in Christ, Sondra.

In early childhood, setting positive expectations takes some extra effort and creativity. A universal challenge for parents is having well-behaved and cooperative children while in public places. A helpful strategy is to speak with young children before entering a store about your positive expectations of their behavior while in the store. You could say something like, “Mommy needs to go into the store and it will go more quickly if we work together. So I expect that you will have a cooperative attitude in the store and, if you cooperate with me for the whole shopping trip, I will clap for you when we get back into the car.” You will be amazed at how your children will rise to the occasion to hear you say, “Well done…I’m proud of you…thank you for helping me.” (You can even have them help you cross items off of your shopping list or find things to take off of the shelves to place in the cart.)

Enlisting your child’s “help” in this way also communicates “we’re in this family-thing together.” Asking your child to help you builds their confidence and gives them a sense of value in the family. Another way to increase your children’s sense of value in the family is to entrust them with more chores as they grow. Young children of three or four years old are capable of unloading the silverware from the dishwasher or setting the table for a meal. If children have a sense of belonging firmly established at home, they will be less likely to go looking for it in other places – like the “in” crowd – when they are older.

Additionally, young children often feel powerless over themselves or their environment which leads to frustration and misbehavior. One way to prevent some of this frustration is to give them choices in some of the decisions in their life. One easy example is to lay out two outfits for them to wear and allow them to choose one. Another is to give them two choices of what to eat for breakfast or for lunch. While these may seem like simplistic scenarios, over time the skill of making wise choices is gradually built by expanding the options in number or weightiness as our children grow and mature. If we never teach our children to make responsible choices throughout childhood, why would we expect them to all of a sudden make responsible choices as teens?

Finally, chose to begin speaking with your children at a young age about how much you are looking forward to their teen years. For example, saying, “We know that we’re going to have a great time together as a family as you grow and become teenagers” is a great place to start. Setting positive expectations early in life will make all the difference in how your family functions when hormones rage and attitudes strike. Next time we’ll look at principles for the pre-teen years that will build on this foundation of great expectations