We took the 12 hour drive home against terrible traffic (it was the first weekend of college football.) Just getting to his home was a challenge. We were (and still are) bone tired. The fatique of grief seems monumental,a combination of physical and emotional stress.

My eight year old daughter, Maggie, took his death particularly hard. Maggie is a very passionate child. She is loyal, affectionate and always seems to experience things on a deeper level. She was heartbroken and I found her in her room often, her body racked with sobs. For Maggie the standard answers just don’t work. For her, she has to understand it in her own way as I feel we all eventually do. Death is much more complicated than the pat answers we tend to give. To me, these can sound good when you are saying them to others but don’t seem to ease the heart when you yourself are involved.

Having lost everyone in my biological family I am all too aware that there are no easy answers. Sometimes we just need a hug or someone to let us cry. To let us miss the person we lost, to let us grieve.

Essentially, we trust those whose characters are faithful. We teach our children to trust us by being a person of our word. The adage, “do what I say, not what I do”, does not apply to the godly parenting of children. In addition, doing what we say we’re going to do is critical to teaching our children to be people of their word as well. The example of what we do makes a lasting impression on our children, for most of life in the home is caught, as well as taught. If we make a commitment to our child and are unable to keep it, we must acknowledge our failure openly, apologize, and ask our child for forgiveness. Too often, I believe that parents capriciously change their minds without taking into account how such decisions will break trust with their child. Parents taking responsibility for their unfulfilled promise is critical to a child’s understanding of God’s faithfulness. If they can’t learn to trust us at our word, how will they learn to trust God at His Word?

Another area of trust that is too casually handled by parents is the concept of imaginary characters of childhood, e.g., Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. While I know that this challenge will be unpopular with some, I would like to consider the long-term implications of encouraging belief in these mythical figures on a child’s belief in God. If we lead our children to believe that these figures are real persons and go to great lengths to sustain those beliefs – just as we do in training their belief in God – we break trust with our children when they find that these characters are fictitious. Consequently, they will also doubt their belief in God on some level since there is no distinction in their young minds between the concept of an unseen character who gives them good gifts they can see or an unseen God who gives them good gifts that they often can’t see (unlike presents or candy or money!).

Whether we like it or not, we are a reflection of God’s character to our children. The highest compliment paid to a parent is when a child says that they learned who God is from what they saw in their parent. In order to reflect His character, we need to know His character. Being a parent of the Word is critical to know how to reflect His character to our children. It is also helpful to have children memorize scripture that deals with the character of God so that the truth of His attributes are hidden in their hearts and available to their minds when the enemy tempts them to doubt God’s character and, consequently, their trust in Him. Psalm 103 is a great place to start for it not only clarifies God’s attributes, but also it clarifies His understanding of who we are before Him.

We also need to reinforce the truths of God’s word with practical experience of God’s faithfulness in our lives as families and in our children’s lives as individuals. Training our children to go to God in prayer for the provision of needs, the resolution of conflicts with friends, or the solution to difficulties in school is a great way to teach the practical faithfulness of God. As parents, we need to be on the lookout for opportunities for God to show His faithfulness in our children’s lives, to encourage them to pray, and to remind them of the answer to prayer once it comes. Keeping a family prayer journal is a helpful way to keep track of these requests. Reviewing the journal periodically reinforces the faithfulness of God in a child’s mind.

Ephesians 2:6 says “And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus”. If you have received Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then you have been raised up with Christ and you are now, at this very moment, seated with Him in the heavenly realms. Seated with Christ - not working your way to get there, not hoping you’ll be there some day - seated with Christ, right now, because the blood of Jesus has washed away your sins and there is now nothing between you and God.

What are the benefits of this place of grace? The benefits are endless, but I will focus on two in particular - love and security. The first benefit is living in God’s unconditional love. 1 John 4:10 says “This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins”. Living in the place of grace means living in the REAL love of God, all the time, in all circumstances. In failure, in success, in joy and in sorrow, you are in His love, and nothing can take you out of it, ever. You are loved for who you are, God’s precious child, not for what you do.

The second benefit of living in the place of grace is security. Psalm 91:11 says “For He will command His angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways” Guarded in ALL your ways - everywhere you go, at all times, in all circumstances, regardless of how bad things look. Psalm 121:8 says “the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore”. There is nothing else in life that offers us this kind of security.

I arrived at work first thing this morning, a little before 6 a.m. I had on a beautiful white shirt and after several hours of greeting ladies that came to work out at my Curves, I stepped into the ladies room. Looking in the full length mirror, I was horrified to see a coffee stain on the side of my shirt. It was huge!! And worst of all, it was DRY. That meant that it had happened perhaps first thing that morning, and I never even noticed!!

How does that happen? How do we, as Christians, go through life staining our souls, and not even notice? How about an evil reaction when we get cut off in traffic? How about a “little” gossip about our neighbor? How about a second thought about the cute FedEx guy?

David wrote about this in Psalms, especially Psalms 51:5 “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” (NIV) We are covered by the Blood, and washed clean. But just as in John 13:10, Jesus tried to wash Peter’s feet, and he did not want to allow it. Jesus pointed out that he was clean (washed by the blood) but his feet were dirty (from walking through this world). Thus we need to be aware of the dirt or stains that we “pick up” in this world, and let our Savior cleanse our feet regularly.

Some of you may be asking, “Why is she always talking about holiness?” The more important question may be “why aren’t we talking MORE about holiness?” My heart has been heavy for several years as I have observed the world seeping into the body of Christ. Our attitude that we can come into God’s holy presence any way WE choose and He will accept whatever WE choose to bring into His presence is a prelude to spiritual death. God has always demanded holiness from His people, and the holiness He demands is based on who He is—a God of pure, white holiness. A God so wholly Other than who we are that we can come into His presence solely bathed in His pure light. Do we understand what this means in this “Babylonian American culture”?

Hollywood has become the “god” of America. By that I mean that as a people we have come to judge ourselves by Hollywood’s standards. The latest styles, the lax morals, the relative thinking, the tolerance of everything and every idea that is put forth by some guru, and the most unthinkable of all, the acceptance within some parts of the church, the Bride of Christ Himself, that God’s word is not the ONLY truth. Today we live in a time when the church is under great attack by the ruler of darkness and he comes just as he did in the Garden of Eden whispering “did God say?”

This morning I caught a report on CBS’s The Morning Show about the “coming out” of a former American Idol winner. It showed a picture of him on the cover of a tabloid holding his baby son with the caption “Yes I am gay”. The Hollywood reporter doing the piece about celebrities stated “Hollywood is changing. Society is changing. This generation doesn’t care about what you choose to do”. My spirit cried out within me “GOD cares about what we choose to do”. He sets before all of us everyday the choice —life or death—and we make that choice everyday.

What a marvelous opportunity we have as women to “See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is” (Eph. 5:15-17). Do we have the courage and the faith of a Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego to stand and say “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If that is the case, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up” (Dan.3: 16-18).

Most Holy God, lover of our souls, grant us the courage to walk in the white brightness of your holiness in this dark world.

Now I consider myself a bit of an older woman in the lives of some of my friends and acquaintances. What my older friend (and my grandmother) drilled into me for so many years, in word and in deed was to “always help someone else. If you can’t help them, don’t hurt them.” And praise God, it seems to come naturally for me to do that. So as the Lord leads, I do. I often think about the things that Naomi shared with me when I was in my 20s and 30s. Sometimes, it was her experiences as a child, her experience of coming to the Lord, her experiences in the Lord or just life’s experiences in general. There was always a life lesson in what she shared.

So, now I pose that question to others who are grieving. It opens the door and allows conversation to flow and sometimes tears too. I have held other women in my arms, just embarking on their journey from mourning to joy. I know and feel their pain.

Recently a woman from my church buried her mom one Saturday and the very next week her husband died. They had only been married one year! I could not even begin to wrap my arms around her loss. How devastated she must feel. Waves of compassion flooded my mind for her. I prayed for her every time I thought of her, which seemed every moment for the first few days.

Since my husband’s death, I had carved out a very comfortable spot for myself. Funerals were tough for me. So I gave myself permission not to attend them. I would breeze into the visitation, sign the visitor’s register, express my condolences, kiss and hug the family, and quietly leave. This worked well for a long time…until this time.

I was sitting out in the back yard the morning of my friend’s husband’s visitation and funeral. Content with my plan, dress, go, sign, kiss, hug and leave. I was praying and praising God for the beauty of the day. I noticed how the soft breeze moved the taller blades of grass and how the early dew glistened in the suns light. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Content and peace were my breath sounds. Then, ever so quietly, I heard… “you need to go to this funeral. WHAT?” I said out loud!

I have walked with God long enough to know His voice. So I listened. This is your next step He said… your next step.

I was obedient. I dressed and participated in a joyous celebration of a man who truly loved the Lord and was never ashamed to literally “sing” God’s praises whenever and wherever he could. There were moments that were really tough. But I knew that God wanted me to experience the moment and to embrace His taking me the next step.

Prayer: Lord, God you always know the next step. It is only my responsibility to be obedient and take the next step. Thank you Lord for your steadfast attention to me, for your guidance and your love toward me. I am stronger because I took the next step.
In Jesus name,
Amen