Grief in a Child’s Eyes
October 1, 2008
by Susan Lucas
Recently my family received the news that my husband’s father had suddenly died. He had been in many health scares over the years but had always pulled through. For him to just sit down in his chair, close his eyes and leave this world came as a shock to all of us.
We took the 12 hour drive home against terrible traffic (it was the first weekend of college football.) Just getting to his home was a challenge. We were (and still are) bone tired. The fatique of grief seems monumental,a combination of physical and emotional stress.
My eight year old daughter, Maggie, took his death particularly hard. Maggie is a very passionate child. She is loyal, affectionate and always seems to experience things on a deeper level. She was heartbroken and I found her in her room often, her body racked with sobs. For Maggie the standard answers just don’t work. For her, she has to understand it in her own way as I feel we all eventually do. Death is much more complicated than the pat answers we tend to give. To me, these can sound good when you are saying them to others but don’t seem to ease the heart when you yourself are involved.
Having lost everyone in my biological family I am all too aware that there are no easy answers. Sometimes we just need a hug or someone to let us cry. To let us miss the person we lost, to let us grieve.
Eventually, I know Maggie will see the blessing her Grandpa was and that blessing will outweigh her hurt. As her mom, I want to be here for that journey so that she can learn how to comfort others with the comfort she received. But for now, I am going to just let her grieve and try not to explain everything away. God will let her grieve and so will I.
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Wow.. Susan.. this so true and if more of us would understand this step in our grief process.