Forgiving Myself
by Maria Simone
I had lost my temper with my four-year old daughter again, and I yelled at her. I told myself I wouldn’t let it get to that point, but I did. I saw the hurt look on her face, and I wished I could have taken my words back, but I couldn’t. She was crying and said “Mommy you were so mean”. The pain of knowing that I had hurt my child again sent my mind spiraling in a downward direction, producing thoughts like — “I know God doesn’t make mistakes, but I really think He made a mistake when He made me a mother”, “I’m going to mess my kids up”, “I just can’t do this anymore”. Every one of these thoughts, of course is a lie, but at the time they seemed like the truth. I felt hopeless and cried out to the Lord for help. All that I could say was “help me Jesus”. I called a good friend. She gave me some words of encouragement, and advised me to go to my daughter and tell her that I had made a mistake with how I had treated her, and seek her forgiveness (which I did). At the end of our conversation, she said two words that really hit me – “Forgive yourself”.I am well aware that Jesus has forgiven all my sins, and of His command to forgive others (Matthew 6:14), but I had not thought of this in regard to forgiving myself. I was carrying a heavy load of unforgiveness and self-hatred for my failings as a mother, and the weight was becoming unbearable. So I took my friend’s advice, and forgave myself for not being a perfect mother. Then I heard the Lord ask me to give Him two things — my failures and my fears. First, I gave him all my failures as a mom, trusting Him to make good out of them according to His promise in Romans 8:28 – “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”. Second, I gave Him my fear that I will “mess my kids up” through my mothering, the fear that I will fail as their mother and that they will suffer because of it. 2 Timothy 1:7 states that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. If God didn’t give it to me, then I don’t want it, and that includes fear.
The bottom line is this: God knew what He was doing when He made me a mother. He knew the mistakes I would make, and how my mistakes would affect my children. God’s plans for them are good (Jeremiah 29:11). He is able to redeem my mistakes, and He is more than able to conform me into the image of His Son. The Word clearly states there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). The Lord does not condemn me, so I should not condemn myself. Ultimately, God loves me for who I am as His child, not for what I do. He loves me the same whether I’m at my worst or at my best — and this knowledge that I am loved unconditionally is my key to being a better mom.
Real Love
by Nora Neal-Daggett
I felt as if I was in a hail storm of emotion! It was a tumultuous week. The demands of my job were pelting me with fine little ice balls from the sky. People that I could normally trust to have my back had turned and were saving their behinds! I felt hung out, battered and torn!
Adding insult to injury, Stan and I were both busy and had not seen one another for a few weeks. Mom’s caregiver had a family emergency and I was dealing with stand in caregivers. They were nice and competent but they were new and different. Even my normal support systems were lacking! I was not feeling love nor was I feeling lovely. “A smoldering wick he will not blow out and a broken reed he will not break” flashed across my mind and left peace for a moment.
“LORD, TEACH ME HOW TO LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY in this situation!” Instantly, I remembered a piece I had written for a couple who were getting married. They didn’t want the traditional readings so I paraphrased the Love chapter: 1 Corinthians 13. I thought back to the reading. Love is the fruit of the Holy Spirit produced in our life as we yield to God. It is God’s will that we love for without love nothing else matters.
Because of love, God expects us to be loyal and to believe in one another, to always expect the best no matter what, and to always stand firm and defend one another. This gives new meaning to the phrase “have got your back, Baby!” Jealously, envy, pride, selfishness and being rude are not a part of God’s design for marriage.
Patience, kindness and love are what God expects us to show to others. He sees our hearts and knows our minds. We must love others first and not wait for others to love us because God’s greatest gift is love.
Okay God, I wrote that and I believe that. Please help me apply your word to my wounded spirit. I continued with the day allowing the words I had written a few weeks ago to seep into my mind with each sting I felt from the continuing hail storm.
Later that evening, after I tucked Mom in for the night and the quiet of the house settled all around me, I began to cry. I slipped to my knees, simply out of submission and humility, because I was truly at the end of my robe and did not have the strength to tie a knot to hold on to. It was in that space of time that God revealed to me that loving unconditionally applied first to all human relationships. Then, if and when we got that right, we could carry that into the marriage relationship. If I could allow the love of Jesus to fill my heart, mind and soul then love would carry me through. When love prevails first and foremost all of Satan’s attempts to destroy us and our relationship with Christ fail! It’s not about me and what I think I need. It’s about my ability to demonstrate Gods’ real love.
1 Corinthians 13: 1-3 (TLB): If I had the gift of being able to speak in other languages without learning them and could speak in every language there is in all of heaven and earth, but didn’t love others; I would only be making noise. If I had the gift of prophecy and knew all about what was going to happen in the future, knew everything about everything, but didn’t love others, what good would it do? Even if I had the gift of faith and could speak to a mountain and make it move, I would still be worth nothing at all without love. If I gave everything I have to poor people, and if I were burned alive for preaching the Gospel but I didn’t love others it would be of no value whatever.
A Vastness In God
by Genel Webb
For a long time now, since last spring, the Lord has impressed upon me the VASTNESS of Himself. As I experience this, I wonder why He wouldn’t just impress upon me the omnipresence of Himself. I was in a prayer session, praying specifically for missionaries when I first experienced this. So my thoughts were that God is impressing upon me, the fact that He is in all these foreign countries and I was praying as if it was hard for Him to touch hearts, minds and spirits in those areas. Simply, it is not hard for God.It is still in my spirit, the VASTNESS of God — nothing covers us or the earth like He does. He is our protector and provider, in every place or situation that we may be, He is there. This is a simple but a great truth.
I confess that I watch more than my fair share of the cable news shows and listen to more NPR news more than any individual should. Somehow though, with all that I hear, I have not internalized what I hear. I’m not saying this with a sense of pride — I’m saying it with a sense of awe, that God really can keep us in a place like this. I think that “the news” is a good indication of how we need to pray. And I think that we still have to be wise and be good stewards based on what we hear, but we don’t have to let it get in our spirits and create a sense of despair. In the spiritual realm, this seems to be a time of opportunity — a time of harvest. I have a sense of abundance and a sense of the VASTNESS of God covering this earth.
I would just say to anyone reading this, trust in the Lord, simply. If you lose something literally or figuratively, God is great enough to provide even better. This is a reality. It may not manifest as you plan, but as someone who believes that Jesus was and is — it will manifest within the good plan that God has for you. I believe this to be such a time of opportunity, in many ways. It is so in my spirit, each morning — a sense of expectancy. There is something great, and it’s just around the corner. I can’t seem to convey this as strongly as I feel it, but again God is nudging me to trust Him even in conveying this.
Plentifullness, greatness and fulfillment is in God. He covers the earth, He covers us — there is a VASTNESS in God. Even in a practical way, He is our everything, in every way. Let Him prove himself.