Turning it Around

The second day of my new job I was driving home and decided to stop by the grocery store so that I could prepare a special dinner for my husband when he got home. I had it all planned out. I was so excited when I pulled up in the driveway I barely thought twice about our shed door being wide open. My dogs were barking eagerly as I walked up the back steps, groceries in hand. When I looked up to unlatch our gate it was already open. My eyes rose further still, and that is when I saw the glass all over the back porch. The blood drained from my face. Everything started moving in slow motion. I walked up to the door and saw the hole punched in the window pane. The door was open. My hand pushed the door just wide enough for me to get through. All I could think was, “This isn’t happening. Oh God, please don’t let this be happening!” When I stepped inside, my kitchen was in complete disarray. Drawers were open, pots all over the floor. I walked in the living room not even thinking people could still be in the house.

When I saw the living room my fears were confirmed. We had been robbed. The living room looked like a tornado had gone through it. Couch cushions thrown about. Drawers ripped out. Tables, lamps, pictures all smashed and overturned. I ran out of the house to the neighbors trying to remember what I was supposed to do. “Call my husband. Call the police. Oh God this can’t be happening! How do I fix this?” My mind was racing…

The rest of the evening was a blur of flashing blue lights, police officers, and family. I could hear things going on around me, but it was all muddled as if I was hearing it underwater. I could not go in the house. I could not see my home like that. After everybody left and my husband and I were alone, I looked at him and asked, “How are we going to be able to go on?” I felt like I had been raped, and I just wanted to wash it all off. I just wanted to disappear.

I seriously did not think I would be able to ever move on from this. I already suffered from a predisposition towards depression and anxiety, and this just sent me over the edge. Days went by. I returned to my job. I talked to people at work, family, friends, my husband, a counselor; and yet I felt completely alone. I kept asking God, “Why did you let this happen?” I could not understand what good could possibly come out of this disaster. Have you ever felt like God was not listening to you? Well, I felt God had shunned me and He was punishing me for my past. I was enraged and utterly humiliated. Panic would seep up in me like a serpent that consumed my whole being. I could feel myself getting pulled back into a depression, and that is where I wanted to go. It was easy. It was “justifiable.” But that was not God’s plan.

You see, until then I would have called myself a Christian. I mean, I was saved, and I went to church. But there was one key piece of the puzzle I was missing. Until then I had not been truly walking by faith with God. I was doing what I wanted to do, what I thought I should do. I was not putting into practice His Word. Looking back on all of that now, I see God’s hand at work. No, God did not cause that robbery to happen. You want to know what He did though. Oh, Praise Jesus!! He turned that horrible curse, that nasty mess, into the most beautiful blessing! How? How do we walk with God? How do we fulfill our destiny? Sister’s, we walk by faith. We give it all to Him. I gave Him my anger, my depression, my mess of a life in that aftermath and said, “Lord, I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know what to do. But you do, and I give all of me to you!” The blessings rained down! I realized that stuff was just that, stuff. And out of that stuff we were able to become debt-free. Do you want to know what else? The robbers were caught, tried, and convicted. When He rains, He pours!