Why I am an Overcomer

This verse from the Old Testament is one of my favorite verses. Over the years it has come to mean a lot to me, the first time I ever read it I did not understand the verse. However, once I came to know our Lord on a personal level it took on special meaning to me.

I grew up in a large family, the second eldest of seven children. And for whatever the reason I seemed to be the blacksheep of this family. I never felt like I fit in there nor did I belong. Many physical, emotional and verbal situations took place that led me to this feeling of being neither totally alone and not belonging nor being wanted.

My family was not a religious family; we did not attend church regularly. We would go on all the major holidays, regular Sunday attendance was not the rule in our home. What I did not know then but since have come to discover was that both of my grandmother’s (parental and maternal) were very involved in their respective churches. They did raise both my mom and dad in the church and my parents were both in rebellion.

However, as a very young girl I always seemed to want to be in the church. I would go with my next door neighbor to the Methodist church in our town. When I was ten we lived in a small community right next door to the church and I always wanted to be there. It just always made me feel better. It made life in our home bearable for me.

As time went on and I grew into my teenage years I grew away from that feeling that I wanted to be in church. There was no one in my family who took us, and by this time I started to believe and act upon the negative thoughts and ideas that were told to me. I came to decide that maybe those who told me that I was stupid and that I would never amount to anything were right. And therefore I decided to prove they were right.  

 When I was nineteen, I met the father of my two daughters. He was exciting, good looking and a “real bad boy”. My parents totally disliked him and being the rebellious daughter that I was I decided that we needed to be married once he asked me (even though I knew he was into drugs in the worst way). I definitely did not like the drug use; however, being young and naïve I made that age-old mistake of believing that he loved me. That being the case I thought surely that love would be enough to conquer the drug use. What I did not even stop to consider was the fact that we both were “needy and sick people” and the only one who could fix us (Jesus) was not in our lives. Unfortunately, it was not me who left him; it was him who left me for what was supposed to be a friend of mine after eleven years of marriage. He had left on previous occasions; however, the last time I knew in my heart he would not be back. I was totally alone with two children ages 3 and 9, and no self-esteem.   

The night after my husband left I was sitting in my living room with my daughters down the hall asleep in their rooms. I was terrified of being alone. I really felt like I had nothing to live for (pretty sad, that someone would put a man first before their children). However, at this point in my life I was so fragile and weak and not able to see beyond myself. I was sitting there thinking of taking my life. I had some pills in the medicine cabinet and had planned to go take them and be done with this agony. At that precise moment, I happened to look up and spotted a book on my bookcase (my mother-in-law had given me about 9 years earlier). I took that book down and started to read. I read all night and into the wee hours of the morning. Obviously, I did not take my life. Our precious Lord had other plans for me. The book that he had placed in my hands was titled “Two steps forward, three back”. It was written my Charles Swindoll of Fullerton, CA. The Lord used that book in more ways than one to start a major change in my life. I had always been a door mat for my husband to wipe his feet on. When he left us we had no heat (we heated only with wood), and there was no wood chopped and no way to cook because of no wood. We had no running water, no phone out in the middle of the country and he took my car. A car that he made me buy from him (I had to have my sister co-sign). I was planning on going out drinking that night with my youngest brother. My dad had come to my home to fix my cooking and heating situation. When he found out I was going to go out he lit into me. He told me I was married and belonged at home and not in a bar. I did not go out that night. My dad met with my ex-husband even though he did not like him and tried to persuade him to come home. He told him that even if he did not come home my car better be returned to me or else. Fortunately having read that book, when my ex came to bring my car back he tried to con me into letting him keep it longer. That day I found something physically happening to me as I told him no. I had walked one mile, each way in the snow and ice to take the children to a sitter prior to going to work. I would not be able to put them in that situation any longer.

 A week later, on my job (in a factory) I was called a name by a co-worker. I told the co-worker she was right and that I would always stay that way. Little did I know I would be making the biggest change in my life that very night. I was alone in my trailer and many thoughts were going through my head. Being a self-made women, I was contemplating how to fix this situation when all of a sudden I realized I could not. It was at that precise moment (Jan. 6, 1984) that I cried out to the Lord and asked him to help me. I cried and cried out to God asking for his assistance. By the end of the evening, I felt like a hundred pound weight had been lifted. When my mother-in-law came I told her what had happened and she was ecstatic. 

On Sunday, we went to an Assembly of God church in Cortland, NY. I thought I was going to meet the Pastor for marriage counseling. After praying with me Pastor Bob Smith asked, “Is there anything else you need prayer for?”  I said, “Yes, my cigarette addiction (I figured he could pray and I would quit when I wanted. Ha, at that time I was not familiar with Psalm 94:11 The Lord knows the thoughts of man; he knows they are futile, I do now).” So he prayed and asked me did I believe that Jesus was the son of God, and did I believe he could heal me of the cigarettes. I said, “Yes” (however being a newbie I was wondering how to get some cigarettes.) He then asked, “Did I have any cigarettes?” and I handed over 3 packs of Marlboro 100’s. God is so awesome, he not only healed me that day of the addiction of smoking he also took away the desire as well.

I was afraid to be on my own; however, once again security came from the word of God and drawing close to him. He told me in Isaiah 54:5 that he would be my husband. And for almost ten years he was. He told me that my children would never be begging bread and of course they did not. Many times in those early years of becoming a Christian I was awestruck of how the Lord had always been there for me even when I knew him not.

There is so much more that I could write about; however, that will have to wait as it is a books worth and I may need to write my best seller at some point in my life for my living.

One thing I have learned is through Christ I can do all things. He is definitely my refuge and strength.  I have seen many wonderful miracles and answers to prayers.

The salvation of both my mom and dad prior to leaving this earth. They now are at home with him.  The reconciliation of my daughters with their father. In the past 6 months, he has started counseling and as a result now calls his daughters on a regular basis. I love the verse that states with God all things are possible.