Letting Go and Letting God

Somewhere between starting college and graduating, my whole career focus shifted from making a career out of doing something I love to making money and job security. I started out with the intent of writing and working in the arts for a living. Money was an afterthought. I figured I would just live on whatever amount I would make and it would just work itself out. Then, through many spheres of influence, I began to doubt my dreams, and so hopped from one major to the next until I felt completely “secure” in my career choice. Secure in this sense means it was a very solid career choice, but I was completely insecure about doing something I had never once been interested in pursuing. I went forward anyway, graduating from one of the best nursing schools around, my type A personality telling me not to stop now that I was so close to graduating.

I did graduate top of my nursing class. I worked in nursing for two years, switching jobs once, and at the end of 2008 my body told me I had enough. I started getting chest pains. My blood pressure was stroke level. Migraines were becoming a weekly occurrence. A doctor pulled me out of work for several weeks and had me do a whole battery of tests looking for everything from adrenal tumors to aneurysms. He did find a heart condition that had gone undiagnosed since birth. Normally this heart condition does not cause problems, but my stress hormones were sky high. This was the culprit of all of my symptoms, stress.

After talking with my doctor and my husband, and after a lot of praying, I decided to leave my job and make a fresh start. This was a HUGE leap of faith for me, and I mean huge. I felt like I was jumping off a cliff blind. I had no idea what I was going to do, and I was putting it all in God’s hands. Since leaving my nursing job, I have started back with painting, photography, and writing.

Most importantly, I have had more time to build a stronger relationship with God.I still have no idea what God has in store for my life, but I am excited to live for Him in the meantime. My husband and I have also grown closer since I left my job. We have placed God at the center rather than on the outskirts. And soon we will be leaving for Guatemala for our first foreign mission trip. I have never felt such joy in my life. Don’t get me wrong. Each and every day I am challenged to relinquish control, and sometimes I falter. But that is the beauty of God’s grace. Before all of this I would have never even considered letting go of anything so huge as my job and career. I can only imagine what this could have done for two newlyweds if this continued for much longer. Now, even though I do falter, I at least recognize my faults and give it to God.

When you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders and you are trying to figure out the how; remember to let go and let God!