Through and Through (Continued from August 2009)

The Message Bible says in Matthew, chapter 5; “You are blessed when you are at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. You are blessed when you feel you have lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you. You are blessed when you are content with just who you are – no more, no less.”

Loss, of a relationship, although not an actual physical death still constitutes a loss and has a way of pulling us inward. After the initial shock subsided I looked inside the me, that is me. And I found, I have a history of allowing unsafe people in my life~ especially romantic relationships. A look back into my journals and my memory, revealed that I have become very savvy and discerning with the female friendships and the platonic male relationships; but, not so wise with the “tall, dark and handsome men” who waltz through my life!

I believe I am what the sociologists call a “head knocker.” We are resilient folks who go through life taking the bumps and knocks, fall down, get back up, dust off and start all over again. Well not this time! I knew that this time had to be different!

I got on my knees and I asked God to heal me and my wounded spirit. Jeremiah 30:17 says I will give you back your health and heal your wounds. We know that confession of sin is necessary for salvation when I submit that confession of weaknesses and is also necessary for healing.

The book From Bondage to Bonding by Nancy J. Groom, states that in order for us to move from bondage (what ever that happens to be for any person) confession is essential to the healing process. Releasing through confession the hurt, pain and shame is the first step. Confession is a cleansing and release of the stuff that hurts us, binds us and prevents us from growth and contentment in healthy relationships.

Please allow me to be totally honest and truly transparent. I never realized that my emotions were wounded when I was an itty-bitty girl! Only through the time I spent on my knees confessing my need for healing did God reveal to me the origin of my wounding.

Both my parents worked very hard. They were decent good folk, trying to make a living in the early 1950’s. They each brought to the marriage their own wounded spirits coupled with the pressures of the day…I remember our house being volatile at times!

My dear sweet grandmother offered to keep me throughout the week so they could work out some of their issues. She also thought I would be less affected by their arguments if I was with her.

As I prayed, God please heal me…I saw myself as a little girl in my grandmothers’ house waiting for my Daddy and Mommy to pick me up. They don’t they like me, I thought. They couldn’t love me since they only want to see on Saturday and Sunday…

A sob escaped my throat and tears flowed like water from a well; as I remembered how I felt as I waited for them. I was always excited when Saturday rolled around! I could hardly wait for them to come. And, as the sun set and the sky became dark my little heart would begin to sink – thinking they are not coming! They don’t love me!

As the tears continued to flow and the sobs subsided I felt a release in my spirit…a letting go! I praised God for the remembrance and the healing I was beginning to feel.

Clearly I see that what my parents and grandmother thought was for my good was not understood by me. I was too young to understand their absence. I thought they didn’t love me. Of course they did! They were just trying to do what they thought was best for me!

In order to spend more time with them I purposed to be the perfect little girl. If I’m perfect, I thought, surely they will love me, and let me stay with them always! What I did not realize was that I carried this “perfection” into my adult years. Always, loving, always caring, giving my very best and often receiving nothing in return!

A life changing revelation brought to light by a simple confession through prayer. Something that I had completely forgotten about God revealed to me because I asked for healing…I will heal your wounded spirit.

So my dear sisters in Christ, do you need healing? Does your soul long to be freed from repetitious acts that cause you pain? God can and will heal your wounded soul. Simply ask him.

Prayer,

Lord, God, almighty, we all came into this world because you ordained the time and the purpose for our birth. We purpose to be women of wisdom. We pray to be in your will and be useful in your kingdom. We need healing to be whole. Please open the heart and mind of the reader to ask for healing. I plead the blood of Jesus over the lives of everyone who reads this piece; that they will allow you Father, to heal them today.