Through Dreams and Visions

My heart shifted into a quicker rhythm. He blew me a kiss and waved. I thought to myself, look at the way he works the room, such charisma and charm! I smiled to myself as I started to work my way towards him. But, every time I would get close enough to reach out to touch him, he would move just beyond my reach.

As reality replaced dream-state, I realized we were all assembled for Mom’s funeral! I was keenly aware that the house was full of people. As I moved from room to room there seemed to be only room to stand. There was not a stick of furniture in the place. If there had been furniture, there would not have been enough room for all the people! If they would just get out of my way so I could get to Rue!

The last few hazy moments of the dream lifted as my mind struggled to hold onto it! I wondered why Rue was being evasive. Why I couldn’t touch him and that I missed him so much. It had been five years since his death. Then awareness suddenly became reality and I was struck by the fact that several weeks ago I experienced a day vision that mom had died and now I was dreaming it!

HOLD UP, WAIT A MINUTE! I sat up on the side of the bed and took a deep breath and began to pray. Lord, God, if these visions/dreams of my mom dying are from you, then I embrace them as preparation. But, if they are from Satan I rebuke them in the name of Jesus!

A few weeks later, the call came from my step-sister in Texas. Mom was visiting her and became ill with a urinary tract infection. Treatable, I thought, not too bad. Then she said the routine chest x-ray revealed a mass in mom’s right lung!

From that moment on, I felt as if I couldn’t breathe; there was a large object on my chest! Got to get there now! Buy a ticket! Catch a plane!

Later at her bedside, after numerous conversations with her physicians; I leaned over her bed and kissed her on the forehead and both cheeks. “Mom, I said, you know the cancer is back?” She looked deep into my eyes and shook her head yes. My sister, who was sitting across the room said, “Ask her how long she has known it was back?” Mom simply shifted her eyes to the left and did not respond. I kissed her again and told her I loved her. She looked deep into my eyes again but this time, it was as if she was trying to communicate all her love for me in one glance.

God’s healing grace and mercy had carried my mom through chemo and radiation in 2000 and radiation only in 2004. She told me at the end of the treatment regimen in 2004 “I am not doing this again!” And clearly, mom made sure she would not have submit to treatment again. According to the biopsy the cancer had spread and done a lot of damage. So, my sister and I both knew we would not treat this cancer.

We allowed a chest tube to be inserted to remove a massive amount of fluid from the lung and provide a measure of comfort for her. I was truly in awe of God’s hand on her. Prior to her hospitalization she had not been visibly short of breath and had been sleeping lying down!

Two and one-half weeks later we took her to my sister’s house with Hospice in tow.

Three short days later, mom walked peacefully into heaven. It was only after her passing that I could breathe again!

Looking back I know the dreams were God’s precious preparation. Her trip to Texas and her decision to stay longer than usual was his grace to allow her to spend time with her deceased husband’s side of the family. It was time to allow them to love and care for her and give her a birthday party and just enjoy her. But, most importantly her time in Texas was preparation for me to adjust to living alone.

Now, three weeks on the other side of mom’s service and burial I am more aware of Gods
Omnipresence, Omnipotence and Omniscience! The ever present, all wise, all powerful God knew exactly what each of us needed to release her and to give our souls and mind peace! She did not suffer long. She was a good and faithful servant and God called her to her heavenly rest. How awesome is that!

Allow your mind to encircle the words King David quoted from Jesus in Acts 2:25-26, 28; (The Living Bible)

I know the Lord is always with me. He is helping me. God’s mighty power supports me.
No wonder my heart is filled with joy and my tongue shouts his praises! For I know all will be well with me in death. You will give me back my life and give me wonderful joy in your presence.

Prayer: Most Gracious Heavenly Father, I give you praise and glory for my mom, the life you allowed her to give me and the life you allowed us as mother and daughter. It is only through your power, mercy and grace that I am capable of praising you. It is only through you that I breathe and have my being.

I never thought for a moment, that I would bury my dad and 3 months and three days later, my mom. But God, you knew and your loving began to prepare me for separation and loss.

I felt like a bird with a broken wing the first few weeks! But, now I can honestly say I can almost fly again for you God are mending my brokenness! Thank you God, for your faithfulness, your support, your grace, your mercy, and your never failing love!