What Did You Say?
March 31, 2010
by Sandi Sanford
“I want them to sound like Bond Villains!” That was my answer to, “Why are your children learning Russian?” But the two friends I said it to each heard something different. Lisa thought I was referencing a famous actor. Susan thought I was speaking German. Go figure! It was funny, as many misunderstandings are, but some are not so delightful.
Someone close to me and I share the same disposition to silence when uncertain. That may sound like a good thing, but it’s not always. Recently we had a discussion in which I said what I thought and she responded with silence. I assumed she was angry and did not agree with me. But there was nothing I could do except respond—with silence!
You can probably tell where this is going. A few weeks later when we were talking about something else, I offered my opinion, and then followed up with an email saying I hoped I hadn’t offended her.
Her response was that she wasn’t offended and hadn’t been in the earlier conversation either. What? But I was so sure! It made me wonder if I’d ever understood anything…ever. I thought I knew what she was saying (or not saying.) I had assumed I’d heard her silence correctly. How many times had I done this? Am I doing it right now?
I’m learning it is very important for me to remember I can be wrong. I can misunderstand and be misunderstood. If I am going to spend a lot of time certain about something, I should probably make sure I’ve understood it correctly.
How easy it is to fall into the simple trap of misunderstanding!
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