The Velociraptor Syndrome
by Christa C. Hogan
When I was a kid, I saw the movie Jurassic Park, like ten times. Surround sound had just come out in the theatres and it was particularly thrilling to hear the growl of a T-Rex coming from behind my seat as the terrified actor’s eyes widened on the screen in front of me. I had no idea as I stuffed buttery popcorn in my mouth (calories were not a consideration back then) that I was being prepared for life with two small boys.
Boys love dinosaurs. At least mine do. If you ask my oldest what he wants to be when he grows up, he will carefully articulate his six-syllable answer: paleontologist. In fact, when he turned three, he actually turned into a velociraptor. I was pregnant with his little brother and I began to recognize a behavior illustrated in Jurassic Park. The velociraptors in the movie were kept in a fenced area charged with electricity. The “zoo keeper” noted that the raptors ran into the fence multiple times a day. Knowing that the raptors were intelligent creatures, he deduced that they were not accidentally electrocuting themselves but testing the fence for weaknesses.
As I watched my three-year-old adjust to his new baby brother I saw this same testing pattern. With each meltdown, each temper tantrum, each broken toy, he was wondering if I still loved him as much as before. He was wondering if he could get away with more since I was so tired. And how would I react if he did his karate moves too close to the baby? Was I paying less attention to him because he wasn’t as loud and demanding as the baby? Was hitting me an acceptable way to express his frustration? How about biting? Throwing things? Could Mommy act as angry and frustrated as he was feeling?
As weeks stretched into months, this zoo keeper came close to losing her cool on many occasions. Okay, in all honesty, I did lose it sometimes. There were nights that I fell into bed and thought, God, what have we done? We’ve broken him. I wish I could say that through it all I had peace, but the truth is that even with much prayer it felt like a colossal struggle to get through each day with everyone’s limbs and spirits preserved. I did have the occasional spiritual vision of what it must be like for the Lord when we have our little rebellions, our fits of doubt, our own version of boundary testing. But mostly I felt like I was just making it through each long and tiring day.
And then, I began to see a light at the end of the tunnel. As the baby got older and didn’t require so much of my constant attention, I was better able to spend one-on-one time with my eldest. I talked to other moms who were experiencing identical behaviors in their boys at the same age or when they had their second baby. I stopped questioning whether or not what we were experiencing was normal and accepted where we were.
Now, my eldest is four and has adjusted just fine to being a big brother. It wasn’t the first of such phases he’s been through, and it won’t be the last; but for a while anyway we have some equilibrium. These days, I’m watching the baby begin to vocalize when he doesn’t get his way. His screeches sound like a wild jungle animal as he flings mashed banana across the dining room. I’m waiting for his Jurassic period to begin, knowing it will also have an end.
Everything is a miracle
by Sandi Sanford
Albert Einstein said, “There are two ways to live your life – one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle.”
We had a busy Saturday planned. It could be a fast-paced, exhausting day that passes in a blur or it could be a day to be thankful and notice the miraculous. The boys and I prayed for the Lord to show us things to be thankful for throughout the day, miracles we might otherwise overlook. Right after praying that my youngest son pointed at the vibrant pink and white azalea bushes outside our dining room window. He wanted to know what they were because he thought they were beautiful. Then he noticed the neighbor’s horses, galloping around and neighing in the fenced-in pen by their house. It was like a postcard. God answers prayer, fast.
We went to the park, my sons eagerly looking for wild animals and, of course, dinosaurs. We noticed caterpillars and followed what seemed to be a trail of them along a path. Just as I was explaining that they become butterflies we came upon the most stunning blue and black butterfly perched on the ground, completely still except for his slowly fluttering wings. My boys were amazed. I was thankful!
We continued on the path and were amazed when we saw a gorgeous yellow and green box turtle ambling across our way. Sam and Elijah were enthralled. Just then a jogger and her two dogs came by, startling our little turtle who quickly ducked into his shell. My boys had never seen a turtle do that before. It was as if God were putting on a nature show for us. I began to wonder what we would see next.
I wondered how many things we were noticing because we’d prayed that prayer and if we’d missed anything on days we hadn’t. What are we surrounded by everyday that we don’t notice? I hope to make this a new tradition for us, looking for things to be thankful for and living as though everything is a miracle. We never did see any dinosaurs. But I am kind of thankful for that, too!
Passionate Housewives Desperate for God: A Must Read for the Mom at Home
by Christie Mullins
Last year a friend loaned me this book with the catchy title: Passionate Housewives Desperate for God. I have since purchased and heavily highlighted my own copy. What a wonderfully refreshing look at the “rare jewel of godly womanhood.” What a vivid contradiction to the stereotypical desperate housewife of our society. This book, written by housewives Stacy McDonald and Jennie Chancey, is a response to the feminist accusation that housewives are a less productive and less valuable form of human being. The authors assert that the tentacles of feminism have made their way even into the Christian mind and have clouded our vision so much that we have forgotten our high calling as mothers and wives.
When asked what we do we might even say, “I’m just a housewife,” or “I don’t work.” What?! We know that’s not true, but it is indicative of how diminished our rank in society has become.
The authors begin with the charge given to the first man and woman to together take dominion of God’s creation. The woman was the “perfect completer” of man and performs many valuable roles in the God-ordained family. Yes, these roles can be hired out to professionals who will cook, clean, and otherwise care for our families needs, but isn’t the very example of Christ to serve? And who better for us to serve than our own families? As Stacy McDonald says on page 36, “We wrongly believe that the more mundane the task, the less significant it is to God. As difficult as it may be to believe, the hands that tenderly bathe your baby at night are no less holy than the hands that serve you communion on Sunday…each one is a holy act when it’s done as unto the Lord.” The author compares our ministry to our families to the ministry of Jesus. Jesus ministered to a small group of people whom the world viewed as insignificant. Jesus did not seek His own glory or pursuits, but poured Himself out that those around Him might see and glorify God. That is the high calling of the homemaker! We embrace this calling so that no one will malign the word of God (Titus 2:5). And this is why Jennie Chancey states on page 98 that, “At its heart, homemaking is about accepting God’s Word and laying down our lives.” Homemaking can be a wearying task, but we can be assured that as we answer the call God has placed on us He will strengthen us to complete it. In our weakness His strength will be displayed for anyone watching because homemaking is not the end goal. The end goal of homemaking and anything we encounter in life is to glorify God. And as we lay down our lives and humbly serve our families, God’s love and sacrifice will be on display for those we encounter everyday.
The authors of this book go into great detail in describing the pitfalls of feminism and the lies that women believe about their value and their roles. They also describe the alternative: submitting to God’s plan for womanhood and embracing the passionate pursuit of God in our everyday lives. Passionate Housewives Desperate for God really is a must read for Mom’s at home.
Hardship is the reward
by Christie Mullins
My husband and I had the opportunity to go to a three-day conference earlier this year—without our three children! It was highly anticipated and did not disappoint. We heard some great Christian teaching on faith and parenting, we had time alone with each other, and we enjoyed uninterrupted quiet time with God. In one particular quiet time I found myself in Psalm 127 reading that children are a reward from the Lord. Wow! I realized that my children really were a reward. Why would the Lord choose to reward me with such a tenderhearted and thoughtful daughter, and two strong, happy boys? What did I do to deserve these blessings? I thanked Him and even drew a sign for each of them: Reward #1, Reward #2, and Reward #3!
Fast-forward a couple of weeks and I am back in the throes of parenting my young blessings. At this point my quiet time consists of searching an online concordance for every verse in the Bible containing the word discipline. I plan to use whatever verse I find as a weapon against one or all of my children because this feels a lot like a battle. Somehow, I remember that my children are a reward…what planet was that on, again? Well, the Lord has other plans for my quiet time, and He leads me to Hebrews 12. There is a lot about discipline here—this should be good. Hebrews 12:6 says, “the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.” Yes, I do love my children and must, therefore, discipline them.But verse 7 is where I realize that this passage is not as much about me disciplining my children as it is about the Lord training me: “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons.” Later on in verses 10-11: “Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
I begin to realize that child rearing is as much about training myself as it is about training my children. Whatever patience I have was developed while waiting for my children to learn immediate obedience. Whatever measure of self-control I display is a spiritual victory over my fleshly desire to yell at the top of my lungs, “Because I said so!”
Even my commitment to consistent, meaningful quiet time with God was made out of a desperate need for His guidance in the everyday battles of sibling rivalry and childish disobedience. Where would I be without the “hardship” of everyday life as a Mom?
The writer of Hebrews actually says that this passage about discipline should be encouraging to us (v.5). We should endure hardship as discipline, and we can be encouraged in the hardship because the Lord disciplines those He loves. He disciplines us so “that we may share in his holiness” and so that we may have a harvest of righteousness and peace. I could really use some holiness, righteousness and peace in my life. It almost makes me want to yell at the top of my lungs, “Bring it on!” Fortunately, in the last several years, I have developed a little self-control.
Sometimes the reward is easy to see: a homemade card, a spontaneous “I love you, Mommy,” the sweet smell of the baby. However, there are days when I have to look a little closer and see that the hardship is the reward.
Super Mom?
by Heidi Berry
It was just one of those mornings. I had slept in later than I should have and once again I was going to attempt to do an hour’s worth of preparation in 30 minutes. I had to get my daughter to school by no later than 8:05 or she would be considered late. This was only the second week of her elementary school experience and a new kindergartner should not have to arrive to school late. Yet, once again I found myself in the same predicament: accomplish the impossible and hope no one gets hurt or cries.
Let me take you back to last year. My daughter went to preschool at a local church where the drop off time was 9:00-9:15. School started at 9:15. I had trained my mind to believe that 9:15 was my deadline to get her there. Why did I not decide to aim for the goal of getting her there at 9:00? Who knows? One morning as we raced in to my daughter’s preschool parking lot, my daughter decided to ask again like she did every morning “Are we late Mommy?” My answer was either: “If we do not hurry, we will be!” OR “Yes, I am sorry. Mommy will try to do better tomorrow.” This morning, however, my daughter said more to get my attention. She told me how her teacher had crafts out starting at 9:00 and the kids who got there early got to make the crafts. At 9:15, she cleaned them up. In her sweet little voice, she asked me if I could bring her earlier more often so she could make a craft because she rarely gets to. My heart tore into a million pieces. Instantly I felt guilt and condemnation come over me. How could I be such a bad mom? How could I start my 5 year old daughter’s day with disappointment? Why could I not get myself organized and make my life less stressful?
There were a couple mornings during the rest of the year that I got my daughter to school at 9:00 but it was not very often. I did accomplish something though; I managed to allow condemnation to creep in to my thoughts. I began to compare myself to other moms. They all seemed so organized, so neatly dressed and they never looked stressed. I put myself down because I could not be like them. They seemed to be SUPER MOM! Whenever I heard what my fellow moms were doing, it made me feel worse. They were baking fresh bread, doing a craft with their kids, sewing, playing make-believe, working in the garden, etc. Well maybe I am exaggerating a little bit. Truthfully, in my eyes, they sounded like SUPER MOM! Why can’t I do that? I can’t even keep my house clean.
I started to realize that I was comparing my weaknesses to other woman’s strengths. I was only looking at the good things they were doing because that was all I could see. I know I am not the only woman who compares herself to other woman. That is why I am opening myself up to you and admitting that this is something I struggle with. I don’t know what is going on at their home. No one is perfect and “the grass is not greener on the other side.” The verse in the Bible that has ministered the most to me during this time of growth in my life was Romans 8:1 “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” God does not want us to live in condemnation or compare ourselves to other people. We are made in God’s image.
It is time to go back to that morning I was telling you about in the beginning. You thought I forgot didn’t you? J My daughter and I were getting ready to go downstairs to grab breakfast and head out the door. We were doing well on time but we definitely did not have time to spare. I called to my 2 year old son in the playroom to come so we could go downstairs. After the fourth time of calling his name, I went to check on him. I quickly realized that I forgot to finish dressing him after his morning potty break. We were a few weeks into potty training. As you can imagine, he had an accident all over the floor and it was not pee-pee! A few minutes into cleaning up the mess, I had to tell my daughter that she would be late for school. She understood and did not seem upset. I felt bad though. After walking her into her classroom late, I walked to the car holding back tears. It was a rough start to the day no doubt, but it was also a time to fight off the thoughts of condemnation once again.
Later that morning, I received a call from the secretary at my daughter’s school. She had called to tell me that my daughter was chosen out of her class of 20 students to receive the “All for Jesus” award. Every week each teacher picks a student that shows Jesus-like qualities. My daughter was chosen the first week of school. We were invited to go to chapel that week to watch her receive the award. My daughter walked up onto the stage as the principal read aloud examples of how she showed Jesus-like qualities. I was crying, but this time they were tears of joy. I may not be the most organized, crafty, SUPER mom there is and that is fine. That week, God was showing me that He was proud of me for what I was doing right. I was raising my daughter to be a woman of God. Through that special moment in my life, God showed me that condemnation should never be a part of my life. I am special in His eyes and I am making a difference in my children’s lives. That is a task I should be proud of and I am!
Mommies don’t cry!
by Sandi Sanford
“Mommies don’t cry!”, my four year old son informed me.
If he only knew! I don’t know where he got this idea. Maybe he thinks Mommies are in control of everything. Mommies never get told no. Mommies are the ones who tell everyone else no! And, of course, Mommies know everything. Why would they cry?
I wish I were as strong as my 4 year old thinks I am. When you’re a Mom there are endless opportunities to cry. You have your feelings, plus your child’s feelings. Everything matters more than ever. The future matters. The past matters. Right or wrong decisions matter. The news matters. It can all be overwhelming, if we let it. And we can cry in frustration. But 1 Peter 5:7 says to give all your cares to Him, for He cares for you.
God’s plan is not for tears of fear or stress. His is for tears of joy.
Jeremiah 31:9 says, “Tears of joy will stream down their faces, and I will lead them home with great care.”
When my little boys practice their big hugs and baby hugs on each other, eagerly reach out their hands to pray for Daddy, or run to me when I come home my eyes fill up. I am truly blessed and that is the best reason I can think of to cry, even though I am a Mommy.
Forgiving Myself
by Maria Simone
I had lost my temper with my four-year old daughter again, and I yelled at her. I told myself I wouldn’t let it get to that point, but I did. I saw the hurt look on her face, and I wished I could have taken my words back, but I couldn’t. She was crying and said “Mommy you were so mean”. The pain of knowing that I had hurt my child again sent my mind spiraling in a downward direction, producing thoughts like — “I know God doesn’t make mistakes, but I really think He made a mistake when He made me a mother”, “I’m going to mess my kids up”, “I just can’t do this anymore”. Every one of these thoughts, of course is a lie, but at the time they seemed like the truth. I felt hopeless and cried out to the Lord for help. All that I could say was “help me Jesus”. I called a good friend. She gave me some words of encouragement, and advised me to go to my daughter and tell her that I had made a mistake with how I had treated her, and seek her forgiveness (which I did). At the end of our conversation, she said two words that really hit me – “Forgive yourself”.I am well aware that Jesus has forgiven all my sins, and of His command to forgive others (Matthew 6:14), but I had not thought of this in regard to forgiving myself. I was carrying a heavy load of unforgiveness and self-hatred for my failings as a mother, and the weight was becoming unbearable. So I took my friend’s advice, and forgave myself for not being a perfect mother. Then I heard the Lord ask me to give Him two things — my failures and my fears. First, I gave him all my failures as a mom, trusting Him to make good out of them according to His promise in Romans 8:28 – “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”. Second, I gave Him my fear that I will “mess my kids up” through my mothering, the fear that I will fail as their mother and that they will suffer because of it. 2 Timothy 1:7 states that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. If God didn’t give it to me, then I don’t want it, and that includes fear.
The bottom line is this: God knew what He was doing when He made me a mother. He knew the mistakes I would make, and how my mistakes would affect my children. God’s plans for them are good (Jeremiah 29:11). He is able to redeem my mistakes, and He is more than able to conform me into the image of His Son. The Word clearly states there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). The Lord does not condemn me, so I should not condemn myself. Ultimately, God loves me for who I am as His child, not for what I do. He loves me the same whether I’m at my worst or at my best — and this knowledge that I am loved unconditionally is my key to being a better mom.
Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh – Teaching our Children to Treasure Christ
by Beverly Mueffelmann
At the beginning of this year, we focused on our children as our greatest earthly treasure. Now that we are at the end of the year at Christmas time, let’s focus on how we can teach our children to treasure Christ over all of the competing treasures vying for their attention on the television screen, in the toy catalogs, and on the internet. How do we train them to treasure Christ, not only at Christmas but throughout the year?
Early in our parenting, I ran across an article detailing how different families handled the world’s materialistic focus of the Christmas holiday with their children. One wise parent explained to their children that Jesus got three presents from the wise men on His birthday, so they would receive three presents when they celebrated Jesus’ birthday on Christmas. This strategy immediately resonated with us and we established this three-gift tradition at Jesus’ birthday as well. In addition, at least one of the three gifts was a gift to share between them so that the focus was not on what “I” got for Christmas, but on what “we” can enjoy together because of Christmas.
Another tradition that we practice is to begin the Christmas season by celebrating the ancient season of Advent, a time of remembrance of Christ’s first coming and the joyful anticipation of His coming again. During Advent (the twenty-four days prior to Christmas), we light a candle on each Sunday and have a daily devotion time focused on the names, identity, and role of Christ in the world. (See Family Celebrations at Christmas by Ann Hibbard or other similar resources.) We also celebrate the Christmas season until January 6th, the twelfth day of Christmas commemorating the visit of the wise men to Jesus (which actually happened two years after His birth).
Another method we use to keep the focus off of the earthly treasures and on the heavenly treasure of Christ is to begin opening gifts prior to the actual day of Christmas or during the twelve days of Christmas after, depending on the ages of the children or our travel plans. We often open gifts from out-of-town relatives during these earlier or later times. Opening gifts slowly over time (and slowly on Christmas morning!) enables the focus of Christmas day not to be on the presents but on Christ, gives young children an opportunity to focus on and enjoy each gift, and keeps the after Christmas let-down from ruining the remainder of Christmas day after all of the boxes have been opened and the wrapping paper thrown away. On Christmas morning we also have a family devotion prior to opening gifts and later on Christmas day we have a birthday cake for Jesus to remember the reason we celebrate the holiday.
If we hope to keep materialism out of our Christmas, it is also something we need to train out of our lives year-round. On a daily basis, we need to be training our children (and ourselves!) to evaluate purchases on the basis of what we need versus what we want. If we set these expectations in our children, they will be all the more blessed by receiving special gifts of what they want at special occasions throughout the year.
Just as the wise men brought great earthly treasures to Jesus, we must train our children to bring their greatest treasure to Jesus, their hearts. In these times of economic hardship and financial strain, it is also imperative for our children to see that while God does delight in giving us the desires of our hearts (sometimes materially), He desires even more that we treasure the true desire of our hearts, His Son Jesus.
Room to Breathe
by Susan Lucas
Lately as a mom, I have been faced with some interesting challenges. One involves the presidential race. With an election coming up, my son, Rett, is eligible to vote. He’s excited about it and I am thrilled that he cares about the election. I am not so enthusiastic about his choice of a presidential candidate. However, I know that the choice is his.
So, what do I do? I know that I can’t berate his candidate or even send him unflattering e-mails concerning his decision. I can however make sure that my son has enough credible information to make a choice based on his convictions. I don’t want him to be swayed by me, his girlfriend or the charismatic appeal of a candidate. As a parent, I think sometimes we walk a fine line. We have to let our children mature but also allow them to make some decisions that can make us cringe. We have to know how to give advice without giving orders or turning our kids completely off.
So, I am trying to be quiet. I am making sure that he is informed by giving him access to material about each candidate’s voting records. I am praying for the outcome of this election and I am giving Rett room to breathe.
Godliness with Contentment – Cultivating Grateful Hearts
by Beverly Mueffelmann
Just as we teach our children to trust in the faithful character of God, we must also teach them to be grateful for the faithfulness of God in their lives. When answers to prayer become evident, we can lead our children to thank God for His provision of their needs whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Throughout Scripture, God’s people are exhorted to give thanks. I Thessalonians 5:18 summarizes it this way: “…give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (emphasis mine).” When we question how to do God’s will in our lives, do we ever consider gratitude His will for us? Why is it His will for us to give thanks in all circumstances?
Gratitude leads to contentment and contentment leads to peace. When I am grateful for the abundance of what I already have, I experience contentment and peace instead of anxiety. What good is godliness if it is fraught with anxiety over what to eat, what to drink, or what to wear? “For the pagans run after these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” (Matthew 6:31-34)
I Timothy 6:6-9 continues this thought: “But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction.”
In these financially uncertain times, concerns about tomorrow can become overwhelming. It is critical to remember Who is ultimately providing for all of our needs and to set the example of trust in the Lord for our children. Cultivating grateful hearts starts with our own sense of gratitude before the Lord. Are we remembering His blessings and verbally thanking Him for them in our children’s hearing? Are we encouraging them to be truly grateful for what they have by educating them about the condition of other children around the world? We can also cultivate gratefulness by giving our children an avenue through which to give to those who are less fortunate, either by volunteering as a family at a local outreach or by sponsoring a child through a charitable organization.
Whichever way we choose, teaching our children to be truly thankful for both the blessings and challenges in their lives will set them on course for fulfilling God’s will for their lives. For godliness with contentment is great gain and we give our children a precious gift when we guide them into the way of peace.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6, 7)
Grief in a Child’s Eyes
by Susan Lucas
Recently my family received the news that my husband’s father had suddenly died. He had been in many health scares over the years but had always pulled through. For him to just sit down in his chair, close his eyes and leave this world came as a shock to all of us.
We took the 12 hour drive home against terrible traffic (it was the first weekend of college football.) Just getting to his home was a challenge. We were (and still are) bone tired. The fatique of grief seems monumental,a combination of physical and emotional stress.
My eight year old daughter, Maggie, took his death particularly hard. Maggie is a very passionate child. She is loyal, affectionate and always seems to experience things on a deeper level. She was heartbroken and I found her in her room often, her body racked with sobs. For Maggie the standard answers just don’t work. For her, she has to understand it in her own way as I feel we all eventually do. Death is much more complicated than the pat answers we tend to give. To me, these can sound good when you are saying them to others but don’t seem to ease the heart when you yourself are involved.
Having lost everyone in my biological family I am all too aware that there are no easy answers. Sometimes we just need a hug or someone to let us cry. To let us miss the person we lost, to let us grieve.
Eventually, I know Maggie will see the blessing her Grandpa was and that blessing will outweigh her hurt. As her mom, I want to be here for that journey so that she can learn how to comfort others with the comfort she received. But for now, I am going to just let her grieve and try not to explain everything away. God will let her grieve and so will I.
Plugging into God – Teaching our Children to Trust the Lord
by Beverly Mueffelmann
One of the biggest challenges of spiritually parenting a child is to teach them the concept of trusting a God that they cannot see. A child’s concept of a spiritually present parent, God the Father, begins with trusting their physically present parent. How do we as parents, whom they can see, build this type of trust with our children so that they will learn to trust the Parent whom they cannot see? We do so by being parents both of our word and of the Word.
Essentially, we trust those whose characters are faithful. We teach our children to trust us by being a person of our word. The adage, “do what I say, not what I do”, does not apply to the godly parenting of children. In addition, doing what we say we’re going to do is critical to teaching our children to be people of their word as well. The example of what we do makes a lasting impression on our children, for most of life in the home is caught, as well as taught. If we make a commitment to our child and are unable to keep it, we must acknowledge our failure openly, apologize, and ask our child for forgiveness. Too often, I believe that parents capriciously change their minds without taking into account how such decisions will break trust with their child. Parents taking responsibility for their unfulfilled promise is critical to a child’s understanding of God’s faithfulness. If they can’t learn to trust us at our word, how will they learn to trust God at His Word?
Another area of trust that is too casually handled by parents is the concept of imaginary characters of childhood, e.g., Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. While I know that this challenge will be unpopular with some, I would like to consider the long-term implications of encouraging belief in these mythical figures on a child’s belief in God. If we lead our children to believe that these figures are real persons and go to great lengths to sustain those beliefs – just as we do in training their belief in God – we break trust with our children when they find that these characters are fictitious. Consequently, they will also doubt their belief in God on some level since there is no distinction in their young minds between the concept of an unseen character who gives them good gifts they can see or an unseen God who gives them good gifts that they often can’t see (unlike presents or candy or money!).
Whether we like it or not, we are a reflection of God’s character to our children. The highest compliment paid to a parent is when a child says that they learned who God is from what they saw in their parent. In order to reflect His character, we need to know His character. Being a parent of the Word is critical to know how to reflect His character to our children. It is also helpful to have children memorize scripture that deals with the character of God so that the truth of His attributes are hidden in their hearts and available to their minds when the enemy tempts them to doubt God’s character and, consequently, their trust in Him. Psalm 103 is a great place to start for it not only clarifies God’s attributes, but also it clarifies His understanding of who we are before Him.
We also need to reinforce the truths of God’s word with practical experience of God’s faithfulness in our lives as families and in our children’s lives as individuals. Training our children to go to God in prayer for the provision of needs, the resolution of conflicts with friends, or the solution to difficulties in school is a great way to teach the practical faithfulness of God. As parents, we need to be on the lookout for opportunities for God to show His faithfulness in our children’s lives, to encourage them to pray, and to remind them of the answer to prayer once it comes. Keeping a family prayer journal is a helpful way to keep track of these requests. Reviewing the journal periodically reinforces the faithfulness of God in a child’s mind.
Another area in which we can encourage children to grow in their trust of God is in dealing with their fears. When our children were small, we needed to leave them with relatives for a number of weeks while we traveled internationally. We taught them that they needed to unplug from us and plug into God while we were away, because just as they could trust us to take care of them while we were with them, they could trust God to take care of them while we were away. Ultimately, plugging our children into God is our goal as parents so that as we release our children into the world, they fully trust in the faithful character of our awesome God.